i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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