I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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