Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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