I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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