Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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