Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
