I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
