i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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