oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
