no, he came in my armpit
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
