You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
