I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She bit a glass in half.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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