im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
