you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
