wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
