I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Panties = found
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
