Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
