billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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