i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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