I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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