TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All the doctor said was why
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
