I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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