Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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