so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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