If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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