she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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