Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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