but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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