I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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