just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
