yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
