A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
