i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
