Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
