so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
