i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
