pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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