I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
