Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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