I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
