I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
