I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
