Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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