I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
