respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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