Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
