When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
