I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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