Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
