Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Congratulations! We have a period
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