community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
