That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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