Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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