The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I intend to get homeless drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
